That is what I thought I was supposed to do. I was in the big leagues now and I needed to prove myself so I said yes to every assignment and volunteered to go to events and festivals. Forget the fact that I was a reporter at the Oakland Tribune, wrote for the San Francisco Chronicle and had nearly 20 years experience as a journalist – I thought that didn’t matter because I was starting over. So I just worked, worked, and worked some more to prove that I deserved to be there. My stomach would turn any time I got a call or email from my editors. I feared if I said no to anything I wouldn’t be a team player. I always had this lingering fear that I was always doing something wrong. I think you would say I was motivated by fear at this place. Out of the nearly four years I was there, I took one long vacation. So they could thrive and, by association, I would. I kept slicing pieces of myself off for them so that they could benefit. I am not used to having a seat at a table with such significance so I dug my claws into it and held on to it for dear life. I had a seat at the table and knew that if I fucked it up, I would be humiliated, yelled at or fired. I was a yes man – and whether they realized it or not, the publication took full advantage of that. I felt like I had a purpose – but this purpose eventually consumed my life. Hollywood folks love a headline with their name in it – especially if it is in a major publication that is read by a wild network of execs and decision makers on a daily basis. I finally realized that I had an opportunity to help people. I stopped asking permission and just took initiative. The more I did this, the more I made a name for myself in the entertainment journalism space. This has always been a thru line in my journalism career. I was wanting to include more people of color, queer people, disabled people, women and anyone else in the margins in the conversation. Listen, I wasn’t excluding the WCHAMs from the conversation. The more I was there, the more I realized that I can write about what interested me and what I thought was relevant to the industry – and everything that interested me was anything that wasn’t white, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied and male (WCHAM). I was just happy to have a job and to get health benefits. I never realized the space that I held at this publication. You do what needs to be done and you don’t complain – because I don’t have that right in their eyes or in mine for that matter. Or if it required me to do my work at Sundance and then rush back to the cabin to do live coverage of the Screen Actors Guild awards. Or if it required me to pull over to the side of the road to file a story. Even if it required me to take my laptop to a family Christmas party and sit in the corner while the rest of my family participated in normal holiday family behavior. I would say yes to everything I was asked to do - no matter what. Then again, Hollywood is a cult in its own way. It was taught by example from those who have been at the publication. There’s a mentality of “be first, be best” no matter what. If you don’t do it, you’re not a team player. As a journalist – especially at a major entertainment publication in Los Angeles – there is an unspoken rule to be on-call 24/7 just in case breaking news happens or a “fire needs to be put out”. In fact, that’s what I did in my last job for nearly four years. I would normally continue to work through the holidays. With the holidays upon us, the need to be “online” all becomes less and less towards the end of the year. Also, now’s a better time than any to take a break. Here’s the long and the short of it: I’m taking a holiday break – and that’s a big deal.įor one, I think I deserve a break… which is something we seldom tell ourselves especially in an industry like Hollywood that demands our attention 24/7 – but we’ll get to that later. It has since become a saying that will be recognized by diehard fans of the show – and a mantra that I have been trying to practice as of late. The therapist tells Whitely to say and practice the mantra: “relax, relate, release!” in order to manage her stress. Fiancée What?)” where the bad and boujee pioneer Whitley Gilbert (played by the iconic Jasmine Guy) goes to a therapist (the legendary Debbie Allen) to help navigate her conflicting feelings when it comes to her ex and her current boyfriend Dwayne Wayne. I recently watched the classic episode of A Different World titled “Ex-Communication (a.k.a.
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